Monday, March 06, 2006


A lot of JET applicants, having interviewed for JET last month, are in their home countries right now giving themselves ulcers. I know this, because this time last year, I was one of them. They are wondering if they were dressed right, if they looked 'foreign' enough, and if they remembered not to slouch or to slur their words. What is really going to give them sleepless nights, though, is mulling over the answers to their JET interview questions.

I've decided to help them out.

If successful, this may turn into a regular feature of this blog. So here it is, the inaugural edition of CORRECT ANSWERS TO JET INTERVIEW QUESTIONS:

Question #1: Name 5 Famous Japanese People

Before you answer this question, make a really serious thinking face to let the interviewers know that you have a vast knowledge of Japanese celebrities. Then give them a little smile to make them think that you know something that they don't. You might even consider winking if there is a cute young interviewer of the opposite sex.

Now you might think that the interviewers are looking for you to name some person from history, a national leader or a singer, actor, or athlete. That would be wrong. Do not say Junichiro Koizumi. Do not say Aiko. Do not say Hayoa Miyazaki. Those answers are not only incorrect, they are dead wrong. The interviewers are likely to stop the interview and ask you to leave immeadiately.

These are the ONLY correct answers:

#1 Hello Kitty

Contrary to certain detractors' OPINIONS, Hello Kitty is a real person. She lives in a high rise condo in Tokyo.

Hello Kitty and her cute friends are Japan's premier ambassadors and she is more famous overseas than any other Japanese person or cat.

She is even more famous within Japan. Every single convenience store, train station, and shopping center in Japan sells Hello Kitty merchandise. Furthermore, every city and prefecture has their own Hello Kitty. My part of Japan is famous for squid and tulips, so Hello Kitty dresses up as either a squid or a tulip when she visits. Isn't she the best?!

#2 Razor Ramon HG

Hard Gay, as he is commonly called, invented the website Yahoo! Japan. Do not question this. He is also a singer, author, wrestler, and all around great guy.

He is quite an anomaly in Japan, since gay people do not really exist here. His antics confuse the Japanese populace and they have reacted by making him the most popular pop icon since Elvis Presley.

Answering "Razon Ramon HG" for this interview question is only appropriate for JET applicants in 2006. In 2007, Hard Gay is expected to stop using the phrase "Hard Gay, Fuuuuuuuuuuuu!" It is expected to be replaced with "Hard Gay, Whooooooooooooo?"

#3 Godzilla

Godzilla is actually from the Marshall Islands, but he is a total badass, so if you want to try to tell him that he isn't Japanese, go right ahead. Good luck with that.

Godzilla is known for bringing death and destruction to the city of Tokyo, but the Japanese claim that he is really protecting them. I think that is stupid.

The only thing known to stop Godzilla is Chuck Norris.

Nothing has ever been known to stop Chuck Norris.

#4 Hideki Matsui and Ichiro Suzuki

Hideki and Ichiro are actually the same person. Do not question this.

A typical Japanese press report might go something like this:

"Hideki/Ichiro woke up at 7:23 AM and had some toast for breakfast. He did some light stretching and took some batting practice. During today's game with the Boston Red Sox he went 4 for 5, with 2 homeruns, a single, and a double. When a fight broke out between the visiting bullpen and some Fenway fans he ran out and settled the argument. During the seventh inning stretch he cured cancer. In other news, the Yankees lost the World Series....AGAIN!!!"

#5 Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise turned Japanese during the filming of the Last Samurai. In the film, his character spent well over a month learning the arts of the samurai. Although it usually takes a normal Japanese samurai a lifetime to master the arts of war, Tom Cruise was able to do so during the course of a montage.


Emily said...

Always fade out in a MONTAGE


Anonymous said...

MSG'D!! can i tell you that when i went home this weekend i found my sister's spice girls cd and i stole it? and i feel no remorse, spice girls kick ASS!! i miss you guys like whoa and i quoted your godzilla description on my facebook because i laughed my ass off and peed my pants just a lil bit ... "everyone pees their pants!!"

just wanted to say hi and CONGRATS on Saipan, I am so happy for you. and are you still thinking about getting that law degree? i need to know so that i can time your passing of some bar with my hitting certain high profile conservatives with my motorized vehicle ... but i can wait if it's going to be a bit. a good lawyer's worth it ... plus i could take the time to save and put a turbo kit on my car first. i hope everything is going well!!
<3, christen

p.s. some history teacher was on the news this morning because he likened Bush to Hitler in a lesson. matt lauer kept trying to twist it into sounding like a bad thing ... what's up with that? homeboy should have gotten a raise ...

Katy said...


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