"Excuse me sir, my uncultured wife didn't know that Pad Thai is made with fish sauce. We're vegetarians. You should have known that because we're both wearing Birkenstocks. This is all your fault. You ruined Valentine's Day. Our children hate you."My fellow servers know what I'm talking about.
"Pardon me, but my chubby husband doesn't like pancetta. Can he have bacon instead?"
"Does that cost extra?"
"I'd like water with lemon."
Happy Valentine's Day.